I’ll never forget growing up when my dad would connect our little red wagon to the back of the lawn mower. My sister and I would snuggle up in the wagon as he pulled us around the yard. Every time he was going to mow the grass we would beg him to pull us around. It was my FAVORITE thing to do. Eventually we outgrew the wagon but we would still ask, and he would continue to tell us we were too big.
The euphoria of that wagon ride is a feeling that is hard to come by. The innocence of our childhood and the joys we experience from the small things diminish overtime. Like playing outside with no clothes on- there’s freedom in that! My parents would tell me that I couldn’t go outside naked, and I didn’t understand why. I enjoyed the sun on my fare bare skin, as I ran through the yard dodging bees in the grass and tip-toing across the gravel with my bare feet. But there came a time when I outgrew that phase of life.
There are things in my life that I’ve outgrown that I wish I could get back. Like friendships, relationships, jobs, and dreams. But some of those things are part of an old life that I do not want to go back to. And it's never comfortable to make that decision to walk away. Each time my heavenly father told me “you’ve outgrown this; it’s time to move on” I experienced the same feeling of disdain as when my father told me we could no longer fit in the wagon.
So, when my dad made the decision that he would no longer pull us with the lawn mower, I made the decision that my sister could pull me in the wagon by hand. She is three years older than me, bigger, and assumingly stronger. So.. why not? Although she is older, I’m usually the bully in this relationship, so she complied with my request.
There was a struggle as she tried to pull me and my dolls up the driveway in the gravel and sometimes we would get stuck. Looking back I imagine myself like a Queen in her chariot whipping her horses to move faster. As my sister grew frustrated and weary, I became like dead weight.
When we continue to stay in the same place we’ve outgrown, it begins to feel like dead weight in our life. Out of fear of leaving behind what we love, we bully our way past God's initiative to move, just to stay right where we are.
A couple of years ago I learned that there are particular fish that only grow as big as the tank they are in. Put the fish in a small tank and it will be a small fish. Put that same small fish in a larger tank and it will grow bigger to fit its environment.
We are the same way. We each have the potential to grow, be bigger and better but a lot of us keep going back to the little red wagon in our life because of the euphoria you once experienced.
If you took that same fish out of the big tank and put it back in the small tank, it does not shrink back down to size. When you’ve outgrown that thing you keep going back to or you’re continuing to stay in, it will begin to cause frustration. You will feel paralyzed in something that once made you feel free. You will feel stuck in the gravel wishing someone else would come pull you along.
In Luke 15, when the prodigal son found himself in the pig pin and he finally came to his senses, he was smart enough to run back to his father. He was greeted with open and loving arms. We have the same opportunity. If you are ready to step out of that little red wagon, that old way of life, run to your Heavenly Father. He will place you in the right direction, in the right environment, with the right people.
Ephesians 4:22-24 (NASB)
In reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.
Thank you for joining me in my journal to finding grace
Enjoy the journey...